Nine top tips on how to make fingering great again
Fingering… reserved for horny teenagers who haven’t had penetrative sex yet. Right? Wrong! Fingering is possibly the most underrated of sexual acts, and deserves an honourable mention.
Why finger?
Packed with nerve endings, your fingertips and your genitals are two of the most sensitive parts of your body. The nerve endings in your fingers convey information about the objects you touch, and the ones in your sexual organs are designed to give you pleasure. So it stands to reason that the combination of fingers and genitalia is a magical one…
Fingering 101
1. Choose a good position
Try laying side by side, rather than having the person who is receiving laying on their back. This means you’ll be face to face and able to maintain eye contact and communication more easily.
2. Engage your partner in the process
If you’re laying side by side, the person being fingered will have good access to your hand. Let them guide you, and give them the freedom to push your fingers inside them if and when they are ready. You can also keep your fingers still, and allow your partner to move their body in a way that feels good for them. This will help you learn what they like.
3. Start externally
While there are a number of pleasure spots inside the vagina, you don’t want to hurt your partner by forcing your fingers inside before they are ready. Using a good, skin-safe lube is also a great tip. It makes everything feel nicer.
4. Go slow
The vulva is incredibly sensitive. Start gently and slowly and only increase your speed or intensity in response to your partner.
5. every body is different
What might have felt good for previous partners may not feel good for the person you’re with now. Some people enjoy direct clitoral stimulation, while for others this may be too intense and therefore not pleasurable. If this is the case, you could try pleasuring them above the clitoral hood to avoid direct contact with their clitoris.
6. Try different techniques
For example, rub gently circles, or try a side to side motion, and pay attention to how they respond. Dilating pupils, groans, moans, heavier breathing, and, of course, increasing wetness are all signs you’re doing something right. You may also notice that the vulva and vagina are becoming engorged, and that the clitoris is erect.
Image credit: Bish Uk
7. Continue to communicate
Verbal communication is great… ask your partner to let you know when they particularly enjoy something. Telling them how much you’re enjoying giving them pleasure may well be a turn on too.
8. Consistency is key
Once you’ve found a spot or a motion they enjoy, focus on building up a rhythm.
Importantly, don’t accelerate what you are doing as soon as your partner responds. Keep the rhythm and let them guide you to pickup or slow down the pace as it feels good to them.
However, if they are about to cum, pressing down harder and rubbing faster can intensify the orgasm.
9. Stimulate multiple areas
You have two hands and a tongue… use them! Lick your partner and play with their nipples while your fingers are inside them, kiss them while you're rubbing their clit. Spreading the sensations around their body is likely to turn them on even more. Turn them into one big, juicy erogenous zone.
The science bit
Female pleasure can seem complicated, and research into the anatomy of female pleasure has been slow (*eye roll*), but it seems that the female genitals are actually set up pretty well for pleasure. What do you know?
Here are the important parts.
The clitoris
The external part of the clitoris, AKA the glans (yep, just like the penis!) is located at the top of the vulva, where the inner labia meet. Everyone’s clit is a different size: it can be as small a pea or as big as a thumb. The glans is covered by the clitoral hood.
The clitoris extends all the way inside the body, backwards and down on both sides of the vagina. This part, called the shaft (again, just like the penis) and crura (roots and legs), is about 5 inches long.
It is made of spongy tissue that becomes swollen (or erect) when you're aroused. There are thousands of nerve endings in the clit — more than any other part of the human body. And it’s unique in that it only has one purpose: to make you feel good.
Is it just us or do the clit and the penis have an awful lot in common..?
The perineum
The perineum - the area between the vulva and the anus - is also super sensitive. Stroking, or pressing gently, on it while fingering can also be pleasurable, tipping them over the edge
The vaginal opening
The vaginal opening is right below your urethral opening. It’s a very sensitive area and circling your finger gently just inside can feel great.
The Bartholin Glands
The Bartholin glands are near the vaginal opening. They release fluid that lubricates the vagina when you’re turned on. Stimulating them will likely make your partner wet.
The G-spot
The G Spot, or Gräfenberg spot, is not actually a spot at all, but part of the clitoris-urethra-vagina (CUV) complex. The part of the body that we call the G spot is a bumpy area that is connected to the urethral sponge, and located a few inches inside the vagina on the front wall. This area can swell when you’re turned on and, if stimulated in the right way, can result in an expulsion of liquid (also called gushing).
Image credit: Natural Cycles & Fairview
Stimulating any (or all!) of these parts of your partner’s body is a sure fire way to give your them pleasure with your fingers.